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1.How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper

__ Tabloid

__ Television

__ The Internet

__ Direct mail advertisement

__ Telephone solicitation

__ Word of mouth

__ Divine inspiration

__ Near death experience

__ Communist Manifesto

__ Burning shrubbery

__ Other (please specify): ___________________

2.Which model God do you use?
__ Yahweh

__ Jehovah

__ Jesus

__ Allah

__ Satan

__ Gaia

__  Jah

__ God

__ Goa'uld System Lord

__ Father, Son, and Holy Ghost bundle

__ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god

3.Which free owner's manual did you choose, if any?
__ Bhagavad-Gita

__ Qur'an

__ Torah

__ Bible

4.Did your God come to you in good working order and all requested attributes?
__ Yes

__ No

If no, please describe the problems you encountered.

__________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________

5.What factors were relevant in your decision to use a God? Please check all that apply.
__ Indoctrinated by parents

__ Indoctrinated by society

__ Imaginary friend grew up

__ Wanted to meet girls/boys

__ Wanted to anger my parents

__ Like organ music

__ Needed a day away from work

__ Needed a reason to live

__ Needed focus in who to despise

__ Need for certainty

__ Need to feel morally superior

__ Dislike thinking for myself

__ Fear of murder by a missionary

__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it

6.Have you ever worshipped a God before?

__ Yes

__ No

If so, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.
__ Odin

__ Cthulhu

__ Zeus

__ Apollo

__ Ra

__ The Sun

__ The Moon

__ The Bomb

__ The almighty dollar

__ Left wing liberalism

__ The Great Spirit

__ The Great Pumpkin

__ Barney, The Big Purple Dinosaur

__ George Bush

__ A burning turnip

__ Other (please specify): ___________________

7.Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to your God? Please check all that apply.
__ Tarot

__ Lottery

__ Astrology

__ Television

__ Fortune cookies

__ Dianetics

__ Palmistry

__ Tea leaves

__ Pyramids

__ Crystals

__ Dr. Laura Schlessinger

__ Psychic Friends Network

__ Pat Robertson

__ Larry Flynt

__ Self-help books

__ Biorhythms

__ Playboy and/or Playgirl

__ Sex, drugs, and rock & roll

__ Human sacrifice

__ Wandering around a desert

__ Insurance policies

__ Burning shrubbery

__ None

__ Other (please specify):____________________

8.Your God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve a balance between felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?

a. More Divine Intervention

b. Less Divine Intervention

c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right

9.Your God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 your God's handling of the following: (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):

Disasters Miracles                          1 2 3 4 5

Floods                                           1 2 3 4 5

Famine                                           1 2 3 4 5

Earthquakes                                   1 2 3 4 5

War                                               1 2 3 4 5

Pestilence                                       1 2 3 4 5

Plagues                                           1 2 3 4 5

Locusts                                           1 2 3 4 5

Windows Vista                               1 2 3 4 5

Rescues                                          1 2 3 4 5

Spontaneous remissions                   1 2 3 4 5

Stars hovering over towns                1 2 3 4 5

Crying statues                                  1 2 3 4 5

Water changing to wine                    1 2 3 4 5

Water walking                                 1 2 3 4 5

Talking / flaming shrubbery               1 2 3 4 5

VCRs that set their own clocks         1 2 3 4 5

10.Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Please attach an additional sheet if necessary.) __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________